A little boy went up to his mum and asked, “Mum, where did my intelligence come from?” The mum replied, “Well, son, you must have got it from your dad, cause I still have mine.”

A penguin walks into the shop and says have you got any apples and the shop keeper says no.

The next day he goes in again and asks for some apples, the shop keeper says no.

The next day he goes in again and asks the same thing and the shop keeper says no, if you come in one more time and ask me for sum bloody apples, i will nail your feet to the floor !!

The next day the penguin goes back in the shop and says ” have you got any nails” the shop keeper says no so the penguin says ” well can I have some grapes then” !

not today

i haven’t really, all the ones you can just write down like this don’t really work .I like impressionists and stand up comedy and programmes like ‘Mock the Week’ which is much more like a funny conversation than a single joke. But I’ll try and think of something!